Is this ok? Should I appologize to get him off my bacK?

Let me start by saying my husband is one of those guys that only does what it takes to get by. He is the type that feels like if he work 50 hours a week and brings home most of the money he doesn't have to help with our son or house choirs b/c he is "tired" from work. Although I am a full time adminstrative assistant, mommy, wife and maid. This morning I was irritated b/c I'm usually always running behing, b/c I have to get myself and the baby ready. While he simply jumps up, puts his clothes on and runs out the door. I find this unfair. This morning he did just that. Caught a ride to his cousins house with a friend (he works with his cousin) then calls me and says "come and get me from ____'s house b/c I need a ride to my truck" SoOOO once agian I go and get him..running behind need I say. I was grouchy and he was making jokes. I'm sure not trying to offend me, But in the mood I was in. It wasn't hard. We got on the subject of inheritance money. My parents are pretty wealthy. ---%26gt;

Is this ok? Should I appologize to get him off my bacK?
You got nothing to apologize for. He is way out of line. And what money is he referring that you will not get? Don't you work to support the household? Is not like you are living off him. You both equally contribute to the household. If anyone needs to apologize is him for being insolent, disrespectful, untactful, and just plane ignorant and hurtful. Your parents are leaving that inheritance to you and is up to you as to what you want to do with it. So in a sense is your money until you chose to share it with him. He is not part of the inheritance, you are.
Reply:wow can i say anger management issues!your right he should never ever speak to you that way under no circumstances esspecially with son present.BUT i can see why he was upset when you are married there is no my money or your money its our money.thats the way it is.but he shouldnt have blown up like that.i would sit him down explain to him why you get so upset with him and that he needs to start helping out more to.he helped make baby he can change diapers and help care for baby.you work to there is no excuse for his behavior.
Reply:And apology never hurts and it will clear the air. But you both need to address the bigger problems in the relationship, including a fare division of labor. You both need to learn to fight "fair". Counseling would be a good idea. But be aware, he doesn't think the marriage is "fair" either. The different views of the world between you have to be addressed or this will get worse and end up in a divorce.
Reply:Why would you apologize??? You didn't do anything. If he mentions that you were grouchy you can explain why. Maybe tell him that you are feeling a lot of pressure to do all these things and maybe he could help out more or atleast not ask you to do any extras.





ok I didn't read the second part....sounds like a lot more is going on here. No one needs to be treated or spoken to that way!
Reply:You are being verbally abused!! This is no way for you or your children to live. Women are automatically supposed to do everything and deal with it, I think you have come to the point where you are no longer okay with dealing with it. I would find another place to go with your son. If he wants you back he should take anger management classes.
Reply:How long have you been married to this abusive creep for? This is emotional verbal abuse and just as bad as physical abuse. You need to get help from your local domestic violence help centre NOW and put an end to this abuse. You do not need this or deserve this in ANY way, and if you do not get help now, your son will grow up in an awful environment and quite possibly turn out abusive towrads women like his father.
Reply:Do not apologize, for the caliber of language that he used is not acceptable
Reply:No you shouldn't have to apologize. When name calling is in the picture that means he has nothing to back it up. My husband respects me enough and would NEVER call me that. And I the same. You two need to sit down and talk. Set some rules down. YOu need to tell him why you do not feel you need to apologize. Bringing up inhertitance is bull It is almost like he cant wait for your parents to kick the bucket. Whe you marry someone you are a partnership, not less then them. You need to work together for the family
Reply:Hi Leigh,





I'm hoping his recent attitude isn't revealing his true "self". Has he always been this selfish? Did he ever make the comments about your parents money before?





Look, you work full time, he works full time. Fair is fair...the work at home as well as the raising of children MUST be shared...think about it, there really is no excuse.





You're not a maid, you're not a babysitter. It has to be a 2-way street in order to work, he should know that.





I'm not sure if counseling will work, and it sounds like he wouldn't go anyway. It obviously won't work if you go by yourself. If he wants to take this attitude, perhaps you should stop cooking (for him), stop doing his laundry, etc. and see how he likes it.





It may make him even madder, but I'll bet it gets his attention. Prepare for more arguments, though. Just take some time and decide what you really want and expect out of the relationship and go from there.





I wish you the best of luck.
Reply:I take it he's not a Christ follower. If that's the case, are you? There's really not a lot I can say as far as answers. I can point you to someone at a local church who might be able to discuss it with you. At our church, we have one that is fantastic. Course, you may not share my view on marriage. I believe a man should love his wife, show respect, and honor. My wife is my best friend, my lover, my helper, and completes me. We have problems, and Christ is who we run to. I am certainly not perfect, and yet my wife loves me and sticks with me. It's hard to sit here though and be an armchair counsleor. I think that's better done by a trained pastor or staff member, in the context of God's plan.
Reply:Read your question above and pretend someone else posted it and you are reading it.. What would you tell them?


NEVER Ever let anyone talk to you like that!! You need to get some self respect and remember that you are a valuable human being.. He is treating you like crap and you are allowing it.. He is not going to stop until you set some boundaries..


I highly recommend that if you think it can work out. .that you both agree to couples counseling .


Your little boy is going to grow up and treat you the same way.. How do you think that makes that little child feel inside when he sees his mommy upset and daddy yelling.. those little ones don't know the words but they know the tone!


Remember this too.. the past is a good indicator of future behavior! Meaning.. this will continue for the rest of your life until something changes and that will have to be you at this point because you are becoming aware that it is not ok.





You have lots to think about it.. be smart and get some help..


There is no excuse for this..


If nothing changes.... nothing changes..
Reply:i leave home at 5AM, come home at 11 pm, 3 days a week, and just 12 hours of work, other 3. (sundays, i'm a zombie).





i work my @ss off to provide my family a good home in decent neighborhood, and eat steaks, rather than mac and cheese. my wife is a stay at home mommy with 3 little kids. i don't like comparing things i do vs my wife, but i know for fact that her work is 10x harder than mine.





i'm just bit lost why your hubby, the one that promised to love and respect you for life is calling you m-fker, etc. that's just out of line.





my first wife was 'what's mine is mine, what's yours is ours' type. them people end up dying alone. do your part.
Reply:I think you two need to see someone and get this thing straight and your son need to have a happy home not a home where there is fighting. If your husband is wanting your money and that all you need to find out if he really love you. If the money was not there would he love you if there was not money. You need to find out what is going on.
Reply:If you apologize to that lunatic, you're nuts too! I mean no disrespect at all. But he is very controlling. You don't need or want that in you life, or your sons life. That money is YOUR inheritance. NOT his. IF you share it then that's great, but that doesn't mean you are responsible for ALL the bills, etc. That means you all can live a little more comfortable. That money was set aside for you so that you would be taken care of for awhile, b/c whoever left it wouldn't be around to help when they could, so they set money aside for you. I would tell your husband if HE doesn't apologize for how he's been treating you he can watch how you spend YOUR money from the sideline in divorce court! He's got to have more respect for you, really.
Reply:The problems in your marriage is not so much what he says, it is what made him say it. Switch the roles around and pretend it was he that was in for an inheritance and you being his wife felt it was yours also to share. Then he remarks to you " We, it is my inheritance". Can you not see what this really says to him? It says you both are not a team, a couple that when it comes to money and chores you are two separate people. What you said was hurtful and you should apologise. This does not excuse him for calling you names. I feel your marriage and your relationship with your husband is getting to the point that you both are against each other instead of working together towards compromise. It appears you expect him to share in chores, which he should, but he resents your attitude of not including him in other things, such as this inheritance. The message this gives is what is making him angry. Resentment and anger are most always the underlying root of displays of verbal abuse, even so it should not be tolerated. It is important that you both get into counselling to at least work on better ways to resolve conflict.
Reply:what are you complaining about? thats the way it is.... I don't see you moxing the lawn or shoveling snow; you aren't the one who has to climb a 30ft. ladder to fix a leaky roof.





When was the last time you jacked up a 5,000lb car and went underneth it to fix the problem? seeeessshhhh...
Reply:He is your husband and you said "your" money? That was low. I know men can be selfish. And iknow you work hard. But so does he. He provides for his family. He was just joking. He isn't wishing your parents kicked the bucket. But you are married and now he thinks you are using him for his money. And he is thinking as soon as you get a better deal your out of there. He has a lot to lose. You have some money and backing to look forward too if somehting happens to your relationship. You will get his money and your inheritence. It is only a natural reaction for him to start thinking about waht happens after a seperation if you start talking like that.
Reply:absolutely not, DO NOT apologize, it is YOUR inheritance money and he sounds like a no good greedy selfish *****. Set him straight and leave his ***
Reply:First, you shouldn't appologize. Second, it's your inheritance not his. Make sure and I'm sure they do but just to be safe, make sure your parents have a living trust that reverts to an irrevocable trust. There's some legal wording you can put in a trust so that if anyone contests it they are out of evertyhing. If you need the wording, my father has it in his and we have it in my MIL's so i can get it for you just email me..





THIRD, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!! The caps or for emphasis not shouting. You are with an abusive husband. It's not healthy for you or your son. Your son will start taking his cues from his father as he gets older and will start treating you that way as well. You need to divorce him now!!! Please protect yourself and your son.
Reply:look. it sounds like his way or no way and he feels like you are going to take it because you need him in some sort of way. from the outside looking in on this, it sounds like he is just patiently waitng for the money train to roll on in. if i were you i would leave and live with family. and if he insists on being this type of man, file for a divorce and do it before that money comes. otherwise in a divorce he will get half. might be a messed up way of thinking on my part, but think about what he is doing to you and the sanity of your child. that money, whatever the amount, was meant for you. not you and a husband that will probably treat you even worse after he gets his hot little hands on it. cuz after all its not like he is going to treat you like a queen when you get it. and whats going to happen when its gone? its not going to get better. well good luck. hope this helps a little.
Reply:It looks to me that your husband is neglecting his parental responsibilities. He just does not want to have anything to do with giving care to his children. My translation of his behaviour is that he is a lazy man and uninterested when it comes to give care to his children. You need to tell him that because both of you are responsible to share the care giving to your children. This has nothing to do if he likes it or not, it is his responsibility to deal with it lovingly
Reply:What he did was the epitome of disrespect. He cussed you out in front of your child. no No NO!





Second off, it IS your money. If you CHOOSE to share it with him that would be a nice decent thing for you to do. But it is improper for the spouse that is not inheriting the money to ASSUME anything. (No, I don't come from money, I'm quite poor and I still see it that way!)





You two sound like you have a lot of issues. You need marital counseling. At the same time, I would not want to live under the same roof with a man that had gotten so volatile and angry with me and spoken to me in such a way. But that's up to you. Whether you choose to live elsewhere while you two work out your issues or stay under the same roof and work out your issues...you have to work out those issues. And you apologizing for this is not going to begin working out those issues. It's just going to put a band-aid on an open wound.
Reply:This doesn't sound like a happy marriage . You are putting up with a lot of nonsense. This guy is completely out of order. Why would a man who loves you treat you this way. And the idea of denying you some of his money is just wrong. Look I am not trying to start trouble but you should start asking yourself If you are really happy. You may need to have a serious conversation with your husband and let him know if he doesn't start treating his wife with respect ,he may not have a wife for long.I wish you all the luck in the world.

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